Living Instead of Existing

This whole idea of Living instead of Existing first hit me about 4 years ago. It struck me that I had spent the last couple of years waiting. Waiting for the end, waiting for "one of these days" to finally show up. Waiting for something to happen that made my life worth celebrating--as if a happy marriage after 11 years, an engaging and fun wife, a bright and outgoing son, and an awesome relationship with God wasn't enough to celebrate!

Part of it was the growing old business. I don't feel old, as in my mindset, though the body ain't what it used to be. And may be that was part, too: anticipating the results of a sedentary lifestyle filled good food and little discipline when it came to treats. And then there was the spectre of my misspent youth coming to collect its overdue stipend.

I don't know what it was, but there I was, waiting.

And then something miraculous happened. I had these...inexplicable bouts of joy. I don't mean in reaction to something. I mean a sudden wave of euphoria, excitement, hope, anticipation would just wash over me at unexpected times, apropos of nothing. It was like...I was remembering the future!

And then I realized God was telling me I wasn't yet done. That I had a few chapters left in my story. That He had plans for me and they didn't involve sitting on a couch eating chocolate chip cookies watching the world pass me by.

That is why I am losing 80 pounds and writing a(nother) novel and meeting with a group of screenwriters. And plotting the return of Scott The Falconer. And the idea of planting an orchard and garden of blue flowers outside my log home is no longer a fantasy. It's a goal.

But...Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Which is NOT a formula I am trying to practice, prove or proselytize. It is my reminder of what is most important in my life, more so than my family, my writing aspirations, my dreams of blue flowers. I want more than anything to live the life that He has in mind for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

There it is again...a future!

God is NOT Rebuilding My Body!

As I lose girth, build muscle and joint strength, and grow ever healthier, I find my self saying things like, “I NEED to run today,” “What time can we go running today?” and “God is rebuilding my body!” Yes, the body I spent 4 decades destroying – through drug abuse, smoking, overeating and a sedentary lifestyle –I am now able to put through experiences that 6 months ago I would never have even attempted.


But the truth is, God is NOT rebuilding my body. He built it perfect from the beginning. And when He built it, he built it as a powerful, self-healing machine of unlimited potential, capable of phenomenal feats and unfathomable love.

And whereas I see myself “reclaiming my life” (another statement I like to make), in reality God is, I believe, revealing to me this truth: that I have buried that God-imbued potential in self-doubt, self-hate and fear. And that He is pulling me clear of that filth, that He is gently scraping the crap off me and revealing the work of art that He saw in me all along.

Ephesians 2:10 says "For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

The only "good thing" I am doing on my own – smartly – is reveling in that revelation. And listening to his instruction: “You NEED to go running today!”

Missing the Model Making

I've been too long out of the handcrafting world! I love writing, I enjoy computer work, but I want to build things with my hands! I miss the smell of red oak under a sanding belt. Or the grape kool-aid smell of high-quality acrylic parting for the table-saw blade. Even the tang of methylene chloride as it welds acrylic pieces into a high-rise tower.

I used to do it. And do it well. And make money at it!

This is from my early model building days, back in St. Louis:

The St. Louis Science Center. It was my first project for my new employer and I knew I had to impress them. And with it coming in under budget and two-weeks ahead of deadline, I think they were pleased!

Here's another one I built for the same employer, showing one bay of an auditorium (I don't recall the name of the project):

This one, though visually arresting, sadly never saw the light of the real world. It was the concept for the
Wabasha Eagle Center:



I miss the days of being paid to build things. And being in the know of what the next big project to impact a city was going to be before the rest of the city. And that grape kool-aid perfume!